How to Have a Bad Day Step 24: Follow Other's Convictions

Some people collect stamps, some collect teacups… apparently, I collect other people’s convictions. ‘Oh, you don’t think Christians should drink coffee? Sure, let me just add that to my shelf next to “don’t dye your hair” and “don’t laugh too loud in church.”

Who needs the Holy Spirit when Mabel's got a list?

I've dealt with this topic a bit in other blogs, such as Listening to Opinions and Pick a Side, but this one is specifically about our faith convictions. We take on other people’s convictions because we want to belong, to be seen as “spiritual,” or simply because we don’t want to rock the boat. So in the group, we nod along, agree with their rules, and even repeat their language like it’s ours. But when we get home, it doesn’t stick. The “conviction” feels foreign, uncomfortable, and impossible to sustain.

That’s when the shame sets in. We start wondering, What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be as holy as everyone else seems to be? Why do I feel like such a hypocrite? The truth is, the hypocrisy isn’t in you—it’s in the act of wearing someone else’s burden. Convictions that are truly ours, birthed out of the Spirit’s leading, take root and grow naturally.

Borrowed Convictions

Years ago, a friend from the church we pastored called me and spent a solid hour explaining why women should not wear pants—complete with her proof texts. I listened to her make her points as I was open to correction and thought maybe I wasn't doing something right.

At the time of the phone call, I worked as a Safety Officer for a construction company—climbing in and out of trucks, down into trenches, and up onto heavy equipment. As she kept talking, I started considering her conviction. My mind was spinning:

“Are my steel toes and work jeans making me rebellious? How could I possibly do my job in a skirt? Maybe this is a test from God. Maybe I’m supposed to quit and trust Him for another job. But I know He gave me this one. Is this an Abraham's sacrifice kind of thing? Is he ok with the way I dress, but just wants to see if I'll conform?" And I just spiraled from there, almost to the point of tears.

By the end of the conversation, I felt heavy, fearful, confused, and even ashamed—like I was somehow failing God. After a couple of days wrestling with it, the truth clicked: her conviction wasn’t God’s command for me. It was her burden, not mine. —and I had mistakenly picked it up. And here’s the thing: she may have looked “holier” than me for wearing skirts, but it didn’t do a thing for the chaos in her own household.

Not sure if you can relate, but here’s a glimpse into just a few of the convictions and opinions I tried to keep up with:

“You’re too vocal and offensive." and "You're too quiet. You should speak up more.”

“You’re too plain.” and “You’re too worldly.” (That one covered makeup, jewelry, pants, piercings, hair dye… take your pick.)

"You should keep the kids still and quiet." and "You're too hard on the kids." (I'm not talking about my own either. Evidently every wandering toddler was my responsibility.)

"The service is too long." and "We should spend more time soaking."

“You should teach more.” and “Women aren’t supposed to teach. We're outta this godless place”

And, my favorite: “We should do such-and-such for the children/community/meetings/homeless, etc”—which really meant, I should do such-and-such.

Freedom Came - Finally

I know my heart was in the right place. I really, really tried to keep people happy and coming back. I genuinely wanted to remain teachable, correctable, and open to wisdom. But none of this was wisdom. It was projection. And the more I tried to juggle everyone else’s convictions and suggestions, the less I knew who I actually was or what God had actually called me to do.

When our season of pastoring came to a screeching halt, I had a breakdown with God. What do I do now? What was all that for anyway? Who am I now? I reminded Him of everything I had done—all the times I had bent, accommodated, held my tongue, pushed myself to the point of burnout—more than once. I sat there angry, confused, and deep in self-pity.

And then, in the middle of all my whining, a sentence dropped into my mind—so sharp and clear I knew it wasn’t me: “I never told you to do those things.” BAM. It felt like someone dumped cold water on my head. The pity party ended instantly, because I knew He was right.

I know now what my Father's conviction feels like. For one, it's not a burden. And when He speaks it's not confusing. I don't have the "maybe this, maybe that" dialogue in my head like I had with that phone call. I also know 100% that He knows how to get my attention when I start to go off course because it happens all the time. So if you feel you have something to say to me "from God", take it to someone who cares. Cause I'm not interested.

It's Been a Problem From the Beginning

The early church wrestled with legalism when Jewish believers tried to put Old Covenant requirements (like circumcision) on Gentiles. The apostles said: don’t put a yoke (or burden) on people that God hasn’t.

Galatians 5:1–3 –“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. Look: I, Paul, say to you that if you accept circumcision, Christ will be of no advantage to you.”

In other words, do it or don't. It has zero effect on your standing with God. And if you do think it makes you holier, it's like being released from prison only to voluntarily walk back in and shut the door.

Galatians 6:12–13 –“It is those who want to make a good showing in the flesh who would force you to be circumcised, and only in order that they may not be persecuted for the cross of Christ. For even those who are circumcised do not themselves keep the law, but they desire to have you circumcised that they may boast in your flesh.”

In other words, sometimes the people shouting the loudest for others to conform to standards aren't even keeping it themselves.

Final Thought

Paul dealt with this issue pretty plainly back in the day. And yet we still fight about foolish things and separate over nonsense.

“One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. The one who observes the day, observes it in honor of the Lord. The one who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God.” Romans 14:5-6

“Therefore let no one pass judgment on you in questions of food and drink, or with regard to a festival or a new moon or a Sabbath. These are a shadow of the things to come, but the substance belongs to Christ.” Colossians 2:16-17

If the Kingdom of God is truly here and Jesus reigns now, then His people must rise above the noise of other people’s opinions. We are not called to echo our tribe (denomination); we are called to obey the King.

One day each of us will stand before our Creator. Alone. And there will be no one there to blame. (Romans 14:12) Make sure that whatever you do, or don't do, you do it from a place of faith. That means obey what God is telling you. If you're convicted and you do it, that is sin. If you're not convicted and just pleasing others? That is sin as well. (Romans 14:22-23)

Basically Paul is telling us to obey what God is telling us to do. And when we do? We’ll drop false burdens. We’ll breathe easier. And we’ll discover that one of the best ways to have a good day… is to stop living under someone else’s.