How to Have a Bad Day Step 17: Stay Bitter

Bitterness never knocks on the door and introduces itself. It just slides in quietly and makes itself at home. You think you’ve buried the issue, but then it pops out in a sarcastic tone, a cold shoulder, or that one snappy reply you didn’t mean but definitely meant. It usually grows from hurt that’s been stored instead of healed. Think you're not bitter? See if you can relate to any of these ways bitterness creeps in:

Unresolved conflict – You never got closure, so the wound stays open.

Unmet expectations – They promised, but didn’t follow through. Or people who were supposed to protect you failed.

Betrayal – A trusted friend, partner, or leader turned out not to be who we thought.

Injustice – We were treated unfairly, and no one made it right.

Comparison – Watching someone else get what we think we deserve.

Unmet expectations – You thought life, God, or people owed you something, and they didn’t deliver.

Unfair treatment – You were wronged, overlooked, or taken advantage of.

Loss – A dream, opportunity, or relationship you thought was forever… wasn’t.

If you can relate to any of those, maybe it's time to be honest with yourself and do some house cleaning in your soul.

Can We Be Bitter with Ourselves?

Bitterness isn’t always aimed at other people. Sometimes the person you’re most resentful toward is the one in the mirror. Replaying the “if only” moments, condemning yourself for decisions you made 10 years ago, being mad you didn’t speak up when you should have, or still punishing yourself for the thing God already forgave. Whether you realize it or not, it’s exhausting your emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

Bitterness is not just an emotional issue—it’s a whole-life toxin:

The latest research to give credence to the link between state of mind and health is a recent study from Concordia University that has found constant bitterness can make a person ill. Holding on to bitterness can affect metabolism, immune response or organ function and lead to physical disease, researchers say. Ever heard of ulcers....this might be the culprit.

Consider just SOME of the effects it has on your life:

Bitterness triggers stress responses and raises blood pressure. It hardens our heart, making joy and empathy harder to feel. It often manifests as irritability, anger, and disappointment. It can lead to cynicism, paranoia, and a more pessimistic outlook on life. And it's directly linked to depression, anxiety, and other mood disorders. 

How to Deal With It

Because bitterness can quickly lead to resentment, anger, and violence it's not something you should ignore. First step is admitting you’re bitter; bring it to God and honestly ask him what the root is so it can be pulled out. You can’t truly release someone, including yourself, without God’s help so don't even try. Vent to Him. Don't hold back. He can handle your unfiltered version. He'll be faithful to show you when it was planted and help you pull it out.

What Scripture Says

• Hebrews 12:15 – “See to it… that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”

• Ephesians 4:31-32 – “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger… Be kind and compassionate… forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

• Proverbs 14:10 – “Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.”

  
  

Bitterness and Regret are Cousins

It's important to know the difference.

Bitterness

Focus: What was done to you.

Root: Unresolved hurt, injustice, betrayal.

Tone: Anger wrapped in resentment.

Effect: Eats away at joy, poisons relationships, and often grows deeper with time.

Timeframe: Broader and more enduring — can last for years if not dealt with.

Example: “I still can't believe my boss passed me over for that promotion ten years ago.”

Cain toward Abel – Genesis 4:3–8

Jealousy over God’s favor led to deep resentment, and that bitterness escalated into murder. Bitterness often grows out of comparison and perceived injustice.

The older brother in the Prodigal Son story – Luke 15:28–30

"But he was angry and refused to go in."

His bitterness wasn’t about the younger brother’s sin — it was about perceived unfairness.

Regret

Focus: What you did or didn’t do.

Root: “I wish I had chosen differently.”

Tone: Sadness, disappointment, sometimes self-blame.

Effect: Can motivate change if handled well, or just leave you stuck in “what if” loops.

Timeframe: Often about specific moments or decisions.

Example: “I regret not going back to school when I had the chance.”

Peter after denying Jesus – Luke 22:61–62

"The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him... And he went outside and wept bitterly."

This is pure regret — Peter’s sorrow is tied to his own actions. But the regret becomes redemptive when he later accepts forgiveness and is restored (John 21:15–19).

The rich young ruler – Mark 10:21–22

"At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth."

His regret was immediate. He knew the right path but wasn’t willing to take it.

Where they overlap:

Regret can turn into bitterness if you keep rehearsing the pain instead of releasing it.

Bitterness can carry regret inside it, especially if you blame yourself for letting something happen. If regret is wishing the past was different, bitterness is resenting the people (including yourself) you hold responsible for it.

Final Thought

The older we get, the longer the list of “wish I hadn’t” moments seems to grow. Looking back with today’s wisdom, we can all spot words we shouldn’t have spoken, chances we should’ve taken, or roads we wish we’d avoided. And along the way, each of us has faced experiences that can plant seeds of bitterness. Having them doesn’t define your worth—but ignoring them, or worse, feeding them, will only weigh you down and create tomorrow’s misery.

Hebrews 12 calls us to throw off everything that hinders and lay aside the sin that so easily entangles. Bitterness and regret are heavy baggage. They slow your steps, drain your joy, and make the race of life feel impossible. But when you let them go, the path becomes lighter, the run more endurable, and—best of all—you’ll discover you’re having a much better day!